there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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