I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He better not be in your backpack
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
