I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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