OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
