no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
