My friends, they love my intelligence
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
