I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he thought i was a dude.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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