I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you never un-have a 4some
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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