the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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