did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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