I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
