I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
