I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
