and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What drink are we having for lunch?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
