There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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