Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
