i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i think i just lost a toe
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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