Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
