naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
