I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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