One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
