Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
