When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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