Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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