He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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