if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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