Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize