i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
