my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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