Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
