Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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