Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
