It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
