i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Drunk is not a location!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
