I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
