oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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