I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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