My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
