I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
