I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
