he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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