Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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