Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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