Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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