I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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