You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
