I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
