What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
