It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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