I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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