I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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