the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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