My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
