I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We need to rekindle our bromance
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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