God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
