Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
