I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
