I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So apparently I’m into choking now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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