I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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