We're like a lot better than the average bears
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
