cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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