And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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