Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
