first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
high people should be assigned attendants
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
