I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
