the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
