i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
